Separation Anxiety: What to Do

What to Do When Your Child Has Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a common challenge for children, especially when they are first introduced to new situations like school, daycare, or a new environment. For many parents, seeing their child struggle with separation can be emotionally tough, but with patience, understanding, and the right strategies, it’s possible to help them navigate these feelings. Here’s what to do when your child experiences separation anxiety.

1. Acknowledge Their Feelings

The first step is to validate your child’s emotions. Separation anxiety is real and can feel very overwhelming for a young child. Instead of brushing off their feelings or telling them not to worry, empathize with them. Let them know that it’s okay to feel nervous or scared about being apart from you. Saying things like, “I understand that you’re feeling sad because I’m leaving, but I’ll always come back,” can help them feel heard and understood.

2. Establish a Consistent Routine

Children thrive on routine, as it provides them with a sense of security. Create a predictable drop-off routine that is calm and consistent every day. Whether it’s a special goodbye ritual, a particular phrase, or a little routine (like a hug, high-five, or kiss), routines help children feel secure and prepared for what’s coming next. Knowing what to expect will reduce anxiety over time.

3. Practice Short Separations

Start by practicing short separations. Leave your child with a trusted family member, friend, or caregiver for short periods. Gradually increase the time spent apart as they adjust. This practice will teach your child that they can be okay without you, and that you will always return.

4. Keep Goodbyes Short and Sweet

It can be tempting to stay and try to soothe your child when they cry, but prolonged goodbyes can increase anxiety. Keep the goodbye short, positive, and firm. The more prolonged the separation, the harder it will be for your child to settle in. Let them know you’ll be back, then follow through. Often, after you leave, they’ll calm down quickly and get involved in activities.

5. Offer a Comfort Item

A favorite toy, blanket, or stuffed animal can be a source of comfort for a child experiencing separation anxiety. Having a familiar item close by can provide them with a sense of security when they’re away from home or their parents. Encourage your child to bring their favorite item to daycare, school, or any other unfamiliar place.

6. Create a Special Goodbye Ritual

Developing a comforting routine before you say goodbye can make all the difference. This could be a high-five, a special handshake, or a simple saying like “I love you to the moon and back.” Having this ritual in place reassures your child that the separation is not permanent, and it’s a fun, comforting part of their day.

7. Reassure Your Child Regularly

When you’re away from your child, try to reassure them in small ways. For example, leaving a note in their backpack or sending a text to the caregiver about how they’re doing can help them feel more secure. If they’re older, let them know when you'll be back, and offer a specific plan for what happens after you reunite (e.g., "After school, we’ll go for ice cream!").

8. Stay Calm and Confident

Children are keen observers and can pick up on their parents’ emotions. If you’re anxious or upset about the separation, your child may mirror those feelings. Stay calm and confident in your approach. When you exude confidence, your child is more likely to feel reassured. Trust that they’ll be okay and that you’re doing what’s best for them by helping them develop independence.

9. Talk About Their Feelings

Encourage your child to express their feelings. Some children might have trouble verbalizing why they feel anxious, so ask open-ended questions like, “What makes you feel worried when we say goodbye?” or “Can you tell me what you’re feeling in your heart?” Talking about their emotions can help them understand their anxiety and learn to cope with it.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed

While most children grow out of separation anxiety with time, some may experience more persistent or intense anxiety that impacts their ability to function. If you notice that your child’s separation anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily activities, it may be time to seek professional help. A child therapist or counselor can help your child build coping skills and address the root cause of their anxiety.

Final Thoughts

Separation anxiety is a phase that many children go through, and with support and patience, they can successfully navigate it. Consistency, reassurance, and a calm, loving environment can make all the difference. By following these strategies, you can help your child feel secure and more confident when facing separations, while also fostering a sense of independence and emotional resilience.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and your love and care are the best tools to help your child through this challenging experience.